Introduction to Multicultural Literature

The first episode of The 1619 Project is insightful, poignant, and revelatory about the state of American democracy. It shows how black Americans have had to fight every step of the way to be included in the democratic process, and that these battles are far from relics of the past. The way that the documentary is structured is similar to Claudia Rankine’s Citizen: An American Lyric because both pieces of media incorporate stories told through a series of anecdotes. The 1619 Project creates a narrative about voter suppression by showing real barriers to entry in the voting process in the same way that Citizen creates a narrative about oppression by sharing individual microaggressions that black people have experienced. Both The 1619 Project and Citizen also utilize powerful imagery intended to enhance the material. One example of this in Citizen is the image of a black sculpture adorned with flowers, contorted and hunched over, which is meant to exemplify the commodification of black bodies for white consumption that was discussed in the text. The 1619 Project often features footage of black Americans while voice overs play, some examples of this being a man wrapped in an American flag and a pregnant woman. This footage was shown after a discussion about black people’s importance in building America and their determination to remain in a country that they helped to create, which was powerful and sent a clear message. Similar to Citizen, the imagery enhances what is being communicated through the words.

One thing that stood out to me in particular in The 1619 Project is the sinister nature of voter suppression and how tactical it is. A prime example of this is when a group of elderly black people were denied their right to vote because of a clerical error and were told they had to go to a polling location 20 minutes away. This is clearly an example of predation on a vulnerable group; the poll workers know that these people have no way of getting to another polling station and at that point, it would be easier for them not to vote at all. Voter suppression is no longer as blatant as the grandfather clauses and literacy tests of the past. Modern voter suppression involves making the process as difficult as possible for marginalized groups in order to discourage them from trying to vote at all. This insidious process makes sure that not everyone’s voice is heard and keeps the status quo in order. It is also why the work that the people in the documentary are doing is so important: something as simple as education and advocation can cause major upsets in the polls and help often unheard voices to speak up.

Myriam Gurbas insight to her book mean and insightfulness on the books aspects and true meaning really stood out to me during this discussion session. I really enjoyed reading this book when we were in class. The book encapsulated an especially important topic about sexual assault and oppression. These topics are not easy to talk about, especially to people who you are not necessarily close to you. By authoring this book, Myriam Gurba invited us in on her life and trauma to learn from it, and this is a very unselfish act. Experiences like this might be things you keep to yourself or just close family members so the fact that she shared this story with the world feels welcoming and homey in a strange way. She spoke about how fractured the process was to author this book. I personally can only imagine how brave this woman can be to share her story with us and help us be aware of the terrors of the people in this world and their mindsets. I admire how she realizes her story is quite different from others and she connects her unique experience to her book by presenting it in an unusual way, which is humor. Myriam Gurba seems like a genuine person from what I got out of this video and to be so humble and brave to have the courage to publish these fragments which she did not initially intend to release is huge. This woman symbolizes a huge strength in the feminine community and for sexual assault survivors or victims. I love how she speaks of her connection to inviting people to become a part of the scenery of where this traumatic event happens because it directly correlates to the discussions we had in class about the opening of the book and her invitation for us to become deeply immersed in this story literally and figuratively. I can imagine that as she stated this experience will never get easier. It must be so much easier for her to write about these events than speak face to face with people about them. As someone who struggles with feelings, I do agree that writing things down and “journalling” is much easier than letting my feelings come out of mouth to another individual. Her analogy that trauma is not a mattress you can just throw out was funny and meaningful because it is so true. Some things in your life will stick with you and haunt you forever but you can learn and adapt ways to cope with it to make it easier, but they will never fade because the human mind is so complex and involved. Overall, I genuinely enjoy Myriam Gurba personality and morals and will investigate her other works! 

Myriam Gurba is the author that I connected with the most this semester, not because her book was my favorite that we read (although it is up there), but because I (maybe foolishly) believe that she and I could be friends in real life. This is partially because Gurba made me feel like her friend already with her intimate, stream-of-consciousness writing style; her level of vulnerability in her memoir puts the reader at ease and elicits the same feeling as chatting with someone you have known your entire life. Watching Gurba’s event at SUNY Cortland only affirmed these feelings and made me more fond of her as an author and as a person. The first thing I noticed about Gurba was her humbleness: she referred to her introduction as “generous” and she is clearly not a person who is particularly comfortable with being praised and hearing her accolades listed. One thing she is comfortable with, though, is delving into and unpacking her art with an audience. I have the utmost admiration for Gurba’s vulnerability during this event. She mentions that when she was teaching, she told her students not to read Mean until she was no longer their teacher because it might make being in the classroom together awkward for everyone involved. I can only imagine that the same sense of awkwardness is present when entering a zoom call knowing that everyone there has read about your deepest traumas. Despite this, Gurba not only unpacked Mean for the attendees, but also read a work in progress. There are not many people who would have the courage to not only read unfinished work for an audience, but also to open themselves up to critiques on said unfinished work. The two observations that I have listed about Gurba showed me that she is a perfectionist who cares deeply about her art and is constantly striving to do better, something that I relate to and made me feel even more connected to her. 

It was also invaluable to hear Gurba herself discuss Mean and what it means (ha) to her. One of my favorite insights that she gave was about her artistic interpretation of the traumatic events in the book and her choice to invite the reader to imagine themselves as a part of the environment. Gurba says that her goal was to encapsulate the way that trauma victims often remember these events: as out of body experiences, watching themselves from an outside perspective. This resonated with me greatly, as I have had out of body experiences in that way before, and hearing Gurba discuss her intention helped me to understand and connect with that part of the book on a deeper level. I also found Gurba’s statement that some traumas will always feel raw to be insightful as well as confirming my thoughts about the end of Mean. In class, I said that Mean is too nuanced to have something as neat and simple as a “happy ending;” rather, Gurba provides a realistic look at life after a traumatic event. Some things simply cannot be forgotten or completely healed, but there are ways to cope and still live a fulfilling life. Gurba describes her experience being stalked as “transformative,” acknowledging that she is not the same person after. Sometimes, the way to move on from trauma isn’t to desperately cling to the person you used to be, but to accept the person you have become and work from there. I love that Gurba does not act like she is unaffected by her trauma and instead embraces the ways in which she has changed. She does not pretend that everything is perfect now that some time has passed, but she also never gives up on herself and is determined to push on. Gurba is able to write succinctly about her trauma without being completely consumed by it, a skill that reveals her strength and her talent. 

Watching the first episode “Democracy” from The 1619 Project highlighted and captivated the role of black Americans in U.S. history. The project was altogether shunned even at our highest court and across the nations as something vulgar and incorrectly depicting our history although it is far from that. In the episode, discussion of slaves, amendments, movements, and voting were all discussed with MacArthur Cotton providing a tearful rendition of his experience in racist America. Black Americans have always had to fight to participate in our country’s democracy and even before that democracy was established they were fighting for the principles which laid its foundation. In this country, we are taught that we were a democracy because of our freedoms, but we leave ourselves questioning “How free are we in a White America?”. The perfectors of our democracy presented an absence of black people to explore and recognize that the true American symbol of power is white men. This highlighted that our public schooling teaches little education straying from the White narrative and leaving many questions about their patriotism as they are cut out from the narrative. This feeds into the white savior narrative although slavery was foundational within a 250-year history. There becomes a shift that highlights that there has been little change to stray from racist norms as voting rights are still meant to hinder people of color although the general media message is that all men are equal. That was most surprising to me altogether as the portrayal of America and The American Dream is an illicit façade. 

It is a historical fact that slaves have benefited America economically and historically, yet maltreatment remains especially through MacArthur’s eyes as he details his experience while incarcerated. In this, he was treated like a death row inmate for protesting for his rights in the 1950s. Generally, school education teaches that this was long ago, but the actions speak for themselves today as we view a racist world. This episode reminds me of Claudia Rankine’s, Citizen: An American Lyric as she discusses her experience as a Black American today. Although she discusses her experience primarily in the form of microaggression, discussion of hate crimes and racial profiling are the theme of this piece of literature. An example of hers that reminds me of the episode was the “Stop and Frisk” Section which discusses experiences of injustice and profiling by police and high courts such as Cotton’s experience. Due to the silence, these people are observed as second-class citizens and receive less help and harsher consequences as though we have not progressed in society. Rankine discusses how little the Black American perspective has changed and the episode discusses how much is hidden from us. She discusses that people will respect her in smaller ways such as physically or vocally but aligning this with “Democracy” is telling as it expands on the perspective that Black Americans are also hindered physically and quietly from society. From here, we recognize that The American Dream is not a possibility for those constantly facing adversity due to their race and that is America’s truth. 

Myriam Gurba shares an in-depth perspective on her work as the author of Mean and her now-written essay “Pocas Pero Locas”. This Distinguished Voices in Literature Event was held over Zoom during the pandemic and was able to be saved for others to connect, distinguish and affirm discussions from Gurba’s memoir. There is an evident disconnect in our world today as masculine energy assumes the manner we carry ourselves in this hetero-normative world and Gurba does not hesitate to call societal dictators out. Many prompts were discussed such as the struggle as a person of color, a survivor, and a woman in today’s world. Although her voice gives off a dainty and gentle tone, Gurba’s words, especially in the story, accentuate a tasteful vulgarity along with profanity to bring power to voices that are silenced. We learn that in her process, she was truly not able to connect with other experiences with a soft-spoken tone and was able to set herself apart. Her approach was beautiful as she was able to take fragments that recognize systematic oppression towards ethnically minorized communities and women. She began the event by reading the chapter “Googolplex” and discussing racial wars. Her reading of this brought deeper understanding as I had my interpretation of the reading and the tone only helped enhance this. We live in a structure derived from fruitful innocence but this strays from Gurba’s idea that being mean is what everyone is entitled to in this nightmare world. Additionally, she brings light to recent attacks on women and people of color in discussion as we have allowed those in the highest office also be the ones who harm us. In the chapter, she discusses a race war using a camp style to accentuate the struggles people of color face due to their ethnic background even at a young age.  

In her second essay, she reads an unfinished essay called “Pocas Pero Locas” which means “Few but Crazy” as she shares her childhood experiences with her cousin as they mimicked a chola lifestyle. I felt connected to this work as it acknowledges struggles in Hispanic households, crime, empathy, and acceptance of the truth. She shares her story through spontaneity and deep empathy as her innocent childhood game became a reality. This admires the significance of this innocence in our world and how all are valid. Here, she recognizes a struggle in culture as well as truths about opportunities and traumas that people of color are more likely to face.  

Gurba finishes by acknowledging the lack of empathy in our world today as well as her approach to trauma in a real way. Many might feel connected through her ghost stories and comparisons but she truly wanted all to be immersed as those who have sexual traumas do. There is beauty to this pain as this social project constructs empathy without granting interpersonal perspective to the reader. The distance insinuates a deeper respect and resonance and is done so flawlessly for understanding but not feeling in such a pornographic and exploiting manner. Additionally, her use of language to discuss the Hispanic-queer experience is similar to Benjamin Garcias’s as vulgarity becomes a technique to push a message as well as the discussion of granting truly beautiful permission. Overall, this event brought a deeper understanding of her work as everything is written so eloquently to drive atypical writing standards into literature. 

2. Watch the video from Myriam Gurba’s event at SUNY Cortland (2021) and write an event review (instructions below)  

I was very excited to watch the video from Myriam Gurbas’ event at SUNY Cortland (2021), and I can happily say I was not disappointed by the end. After watching Myriam Gurbas’ event with SUNY Cortland, I wanted more. It is human nature to be nosy and through Grubas’ work allowing herself to become so vulnerable to the reader it becomes beyond inviting and intriguing to most humans to want to know more. In her video, she continues to share such raw and vulnerable moments with mere strangers. Projecting that vulnerability is a powerful source. Gurba becoming so vulnerable and open with her life allows her to take control and through this, there appears to be a great power, while also offering a new perspective for sexual assault victims and survivors. 

After hearing Gurba read from the memoir Mean short chapter Googleplex, and her work in progress, it brought new light to the chapter Googleplex. For example, seen within the chapters of Mean is the strategic word used to ensure that she is able to reach a wide variety of readers. Another way in which hearing Gurba read from her work changed my perspective of her was by learning that she didn’t disclose everything to us. Through the Interpersonal essay, she is introduced to the attendants of SUNY Cortland; she shares an essay, not yet published and is open to hearing suggestions from the audience. As I thought this was extremely cool, by the end I found myself being partially annoyed at first, as I would have enjoyed reading about her and her cousin in her memoir Mean. But then I remembered, it is up to Gurba to decide what pieces of her life she chooses to share and what aspects she does not want to disclose, and as humans, we have to respect that or we are no better than her perpetrators if we expect more than that. Another thing that surprised me which Gurba shared in her video was that while writing Mean, she was in a domestic abusive relationship. This changed my perspective of not only the work that filled the pages of Mean but Gurba herself. How could someone who appeared to be so powerful and for lack of a better word badass, endure a domestic abusive relationship? It made me think, why do bad things happen to good people? A question introduced early on in her work of Mean. Gurbas’s father’s response to this question posed by young Gurba was to keep life interesting, in other words, life would be boring if nothing bad ever happened. Gurba does a perfect job executing and illustrating this throughout her literary work and her event at SUNY Cortland (2021). By utilizing what some may find as a weakness, she made it into fuel. Rationalizing the hardships Gurba has faced makes me think that all these bad things have happened to her so she can write and inspire change to all fingertips that get to touch Mean. 

3. Blog post about Episode 1 “Democracy” of the 1619 Project (Hulu). 

After watching Episode 1 “Democracy” of the 1619 Project (Hulu), I was taken aback. It was astonishing and saddening that a few of the things discussed in the video I was learning about for the first time. It made me question my education, and feel disappointed within our educational system. It made me wonder two things. One, how did I get this far without learning about the 1619 project? And two, how many other people in our country still don’t know about it, how many more will go uneducated? The history of our country is significant to the future and success of our country. Why has it been continually shown throughout our history that typically white males have a problem with sharing power, and because of that they have created a system that is rooted to oppress minorities. Throughout the entirety of the 1619 Project on Hulu, they brought light to subjects that have been forgotten in the teaching of our history, and through that how the foundation of our country was created. Such as, that black Americans were not only foundational to American freedom but built our country. They built the White House, and railroads, aided in Wall Street, forced laborers, and are the foundation of America, even though they are continually treated so poorly. What was most surprising/interesting to me was that in October 2022, 33 state-level efforts and a federal bill sought to restrict educators from teaching about the 1619 project or discussing systemic racism within the classroom. What did not surprise me was that it was banned in Texas and Florida backlash to project the fight to include slavery and black contributions in the full story of America. What was most important to me was the overall message of this video, the fight to include black Americans and democracy itself. It is important to have outlets like this out there so Americans like myself can become educated and help create a better America for everyone.

Episode 1 “Democracy” of the 1619 Project (Hulu), reminded me of the play we read for a class titled, “A Raisin in the Sun” by Lorraine Hansberry. The idea of the American dream mentioned within this piece reminds me of the Youngers who so desperately tried to achieve something that was never in reach for them. For example, Walter goes practically mad through his efforts of achieving the American Dream. The episode lists ways the American Dream was out of reach for black Americans, reminding me of the Youngers. Throughout the entirety of our class and by the end of the episode, there were many ways in which I saw this video, relating and reflecting a lot of the course-related work done within our class such as literary works titled Citizen and Mean covered in your class.  

I really enjoyed the thesis presentations. The first presentation was very interesting and I liked how she incorporated parts of her own heritage and upbringing with literature that she was interested in to make a presentation about one of the common books in the literary canon. I liked how she added real-life elements such as the Bran Castle to show that what she was writing about was not entirely fiction. Something that stood out to me about her talk on the castle is if it should be a museum or a literary amusement park. The diction there was very striking and I would’ve never thought of that. The second presentation was my favorite and I loved the aspects of pedagogy that were implemented into her research. I took Intro to American Indian Literature last semester so I had some background knowledge on indigenous practices and values. Her point that we can’t teach with strictly Western ideas or Indigenous ideas made me think about the ways I would want to structure my own classroom. I liked that she showed the benefits of both thought processes and how it was better and more effective to combine them. I thought it was very smart how she added a character biography chart and used Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein as an example. That has been one of my favorite books since I read it a few years ago and her approach to it made me think. I liked how she used the indigenous values of appreciation for the natural world to connect it to the mountainous setting of Frankenstein and the ways in which it applies to the Romantic period of literature. The third presentation made me think about the use of religion in literature and the ways it is used to shape our moral standing. I thought it was very thought-provoking to see how in the grand scheme of things, goodness is usually measured by piety and the question of how will benevolence be measured in the absence of religion. It was intriguing to also ask, who does this goodness get judged by? He finished by asking us to pursue analytical relationships with simple pleasures. The last thesis presentation talked about wrestling culture in the world of sports literature. A lot of my friends from home were wrestlers so I had some understanding about the toxic aspects of the wrestling world and how the athletes are forced to torture their bodies for the sport. I think that the list of the five overarching values of wrestling was very interesting and creative. The way he counteracted his own claims with that was intriguing since his five beliefs were ones that are deemed as the social norms of wrestling. He ended his presentation by asking to question the morality of what should be accepted in wrestling literature and to show more diverse stories. Showing different stories allows for the voices of athletes who may not always win and who do not use horrific strategies to be accepted in wrestling. I liked the way he used his own personal experiences and stories to shape his presentation, and was personable while showing tough subjects such as weight-cutting. The overall theme of literature vs. social change was striking to me because it shows the way all four presentations tackled pressing social problems. I really enjoyed all of the thesis presentations and found every one of them to be thought-provoking.

Watching this episode of “Democracy” the speaker first talks about her childhood and how life was for her and her family.  She was born and raised in Iowa in a small town called Waterloo.  She mentions how her father wanted to pursue the American dream and fight for his country, but wasn’t allowed too because of the color of his skin.  Her family was patriotic and loved this country and was so disappointed when they found out he couldn’t fight for this country.  The speaker states that without black people she finds it hard that our country wouldn’t be a democracy at all due to all the work that the blacks did behind the scenes.  As the show continues the speaker brings up voting and how there was a problem at one of the locations where voting takes place.  The people working at the voting station weren’t allowing a group of black people to vote due to some problem that went on and when the speaker heard about this, they got emotional over it.  As I continue to watch this, I can see the numerous connections that are made to the book “Citizen” that was read in class.  The book “Citizen” talks about very similar situations that blacks face throughout their life.  The author Rankine speaks from her perspective of life and mentions the battles and unfairness that she had to face in situations that may not seem like a big deal when they are.   Rankine talks about how Serena Williams and how in the olympics was treating her horribly and would be making fun of her.  One way that someone offended her was by saying they were going to do “the Serena Shuffle” which was also known as a gangster dance.  The reason why this connects to the episode is because both Serena and the people being denied to vote are both being treated unfairly for no reason whatsoever.  

When continuing the episode, I found it so interesting how so many blacks got together and stood up for what was right when the voting problem was occurring.  They came together and stayed calm to make sure that the people being treated unfairly got the right to vote when they have the opportunity too.   I never fully realized how hard blacks had to constantly fight for something that they would want and all of the trouble that would follow along with it.   Learning so much from just watching one episode of this, makes me realize how important it is to treat people with kindness and to never judge someone without knowing anything about them.  Yes, I have always known this, but I didn’t realize how much something so much can be and have an impact on others.  The speaker has made so many persuasive points on how hard black americas had to work in order to get the smallest respect for others when in reality they deserve so much more than what they were given.  

Myriam Gurba describes the traumatic experience that she faced with an unknown man in her book Mean. The man who assaulted her was also responsible for the brutal deaths of other women, which Gurba describes as well. The event Gurba has gone through has traumatized her completely, making the world she once lived in unrecognizable. “After he touched me, it seemed like every fragrant bush might be holding him” (Gurba 120). When going through something so traumatic, the once joyful and familiar world around oneself is shattered. For Gurba, a recognizable, safe place has now been invaded and stripped of its safety. She would also see him in places where he would not. “Somehow I became queasy while simultaneously leaving my body. He was approaching me” (Gurba 125). Even in the grocery store with her mother, her fear would be activated by slight resemblances to her attacker, which haunted her everywhere she went.

This was not the only thing that haunted Gurba; however, she was also haunted by guilt, more specifically survivor’s guilt. According to a study Survivor Guilt: A Cognitive Approach published through the National Library of Medicine, survivor guilt is “a common experience following traumatic events in which others have died”. The perpetrator who raped Gurba also assaulted and murdered numerous other women. Being a survivor, Gurba lives with the survivor’s guilt for having survived. Sophia Torres was the woman we were introduced to at the beginning of the book and who we came to find murdered by the man who raped Gurba. Gurba feels a connection to Sophia because of their shared experience, but she also feels the immense guilt of being a survivor. “It’s not fair that I’ve had so much privilege. And by privilege, I mean life. The privilege of surviving doesn’t feel good. It makes me feel guilty” (Gurba 112). Gurba is not able to cope with her own experience because of her guilt that she survived her attack. She compares the lives that she and Sophia lived and points out the physical differences in wealth, or “privilege” they both experienced. This led her to the real privilege she was worried about, which was surviving her experience. Gurba is unable to process her own encounter with this man, but additionally, dealing with the guilt she faces is what is truly disturbing her. In the section “Siluetas” Gurba states, “When you have PTSD, things repeat themselves over and over and over. Guilt is a ghost. Guilt is a ghost. Guilt is a ghost” (Gurba 116). Gurba is now verbally relating her guilt as haunting her; it is like a ghost, one that is constantly there to remind her. Gurba did not have any involvement or control over what the man had done to her or what he had done to others. In this quote, Gurba is open to admitting that she has PTSD from the experience, but she never explicitly states she has survivor’s guilt. She is guilty because she survived, but she is not open to admitting this. This section was important because we see to what extent Gurba feels guilty for the murder of Sophia Torres, describing how she feels guilty every year on her death anniversary. Gurba places flowers on the home plate of the field she was assaulted on to pay tribute. Gurba’s actions show not only her good heart to pay homage to a woman she never met nor was responsible for the death of, but also how she chooses to vent her grief in physical forms. In some ways, this can be seen as a positive coping mechanism for Gurba to have a physical expression of honoring the life of someone she feels guilty for. A scene I felt captured another reason why Gurba felt guilty was in the section “Albatross” where Gurba describes what thoughts are constantly in her head about the attack, one of which is what she could have done differently in her situation.

“The timing of the attacks, as reported by the news, made me first… If I’d chased him into that alley, caught up to him, taken off my shoe, and beaten him with it like Mom taught me to do with cockroaches, then he wouldn’t have been out stalking, grabbing, and mutilating women. He might’ve turned around and killed me, but that would have been OK. Then I wouldn’t be living with this guilt. This guilt was an invisible but heavy albatross hanging around my neck (That’s a reference to Coleridge’s The Rhymer of the Ancient Mariner)” (Gurba 139).

I feel this section of the text is the most important in describing Gurba’s survivor’s guilt. Some victims try to replay the events they experience, thinking of different actions that could lead to different outcomes. Whether she had killed her assailant that night or died herself, she would not be alive to experience the feelings she does. The section is titled Albatross, which, as Gurba describes, is a reference to a poem by Samuel Coleridge. The poem is about a group of sailors who are on a voyage, and while traveling, an albatross flies alongside the ship. While the bird was there, it brought good weather, but it also brought storms, so one day one of the mariners killed the albatross. The weather cleared after the death of the bird, and the sailors rejoiced, but once bad weather returned, the sailors blamed the man who shot the bird, forcing him to wear the corpse of the albatross around his neck. The man is guilty for killing the bird, and he feels responsible for all his friends’ deaths that were triggered by the bird’s death. Similarly, Gurba wears the corpse of the albatross around her neck. Her actions were not related to any other tragedy that occurred to the other women, but she still feels guilty as if it were her fault, as if the deaths of these other women were triggered by her rape.

Throughout the book, Gurba is extremely intimate with the experiences in her life, she uses humor, pop culture references, and many more techniques to present her ideas in unique ways. She is able to balance the contrast of humor with the severity of topics like rape and sexual assault. I believe that Gurba suffers from survivors’ guilt because of the rape she experienced.

Discussion Questions

1. How does Gurba’s PTSD coincide with her survivor’s guilt? Are either heightened due to the presence of the other?
2. Do you think Gurba’s inclusion of the albatross reference was helpful or distracting to the experience Gurba was sharing?

Works Cited

Coleridge, Samuel Taylor. The Rime of the Ancient Mariner. Dover Publications, 1992.

Gurba, Myriam. Mean, Coffee House Press, La Vergne, TN, 2017, pp. 110–126.

Murray H, Pethania Y, Medin E. Survivor Guilt: A Cognitive Approach. Cogn Behav Therap. 2021 Sep 16

I really enjoyed watching the video of Myriam Gurba and it gave me an entirely new perspective of the book. I was a little surprised at first because I was not expecting her voice or way of speaking to be like that. I didn’t have any distinct preconceived opinions or thoughts, but it was not what I guessed it would be like. I really do enjoy that, and it is one of the reasons why I like listening to writers read aloud. It shows the way they view their work and how it is processed through their mind rather than the multitude of interpretations that readers can come up with on their own. I really like that she read the chapter from Mean of “Googolplex” because that was one of my personal favorites and the way she read it gave it a new passion and take. I also think that was a very relevant and significant chapter of her memoir. I liked how she read a new work that was not released yet, and seeing another one of her writings other than Mean was very nice to see because I enjoy her writing style. I find it significant that Gurba talks a lot about her childhood because it gives us insight into who she is currently as an adult as a result of what happened to her in her youth. Learning how she wrote her memoir was very interesting to me, especially hearing how it started as fragmented pieces that were not intended to be published at all. I can relate to what she said about reading works that you admire but can’t fully resonate with, thus making you want to create your own. I think that it is really important to have something that represents your story and if you can’t find one that does the job, making your own can be a great therapeutic method that can also inspire or heal other readers. I appreciate her thought processes about adding elements of horror, humor, and camp to talk about something deep and how the initial stages of her memoir are completely different than the model we read. It was interesting to hear that editing her manuscript took almost two years and she was not going to make it into a book when she first started writing. Hearing that some topics are still difficult to talk about even through the passage of time stood out for me because even though she can write about the trauma, it does not make the events any less challenging mentally to endure. It was also interesting to hear how she doesn’t like to be tapped on the shoulder or startled from behind because of the lasting trauma of her assault and the PTSD that came from it. Her saying that trauma is not an old mattress was a very intriguing metaphor. I never would’ve thought of it that way but I think it perfectly represents the ways that you can have new, pleasant experiences but the trauma and negative feelings from the event will still linger in the back of your mind forever. Overall, I think that this Zoom recording was an enlightening experience that helped me understand Mean and the thought process of Myriam Gurba much better. I enjoyed hearing her read her work aloud and give insight into her personal life, as well as the writing process of the memoir.