Myriam Gurba Asks: What Do We Have To Lose By Being Mean?

Myriam Gurba is the author that I connected with the most this semester, not because her book was my favorite that we read (although it is up there), but because I (maybe foolishly) believe that she and I could be friends in real life. This is partially because Gurba made me feel like her friend already with her intimate, stream-of-consciousness writing style; her level of vulnerability in her memoir puts the reader at ease and elicits the same feeling as chatting with someone you have known your entire life. Watching Gurba’s event at SUNY Cortland only affirmed these feelings and made me more fond of her as an author and as a person. The first thing I noticed about Gurba was her humbleness: she referred to her introduction as “generous” and she is clearly not a person who is particularly comfortable with being praised and hearing her accolades listed. One thing she is comfortable with, though, is delving into and unpacking her art with an audience. I have the utmost admiration for Gurba’s vulnerability during this event. She mentions that when she was teaching, she told her students not to read Mean until she was no longer their teacher because it might make being in the classroom together awkward for everyone involved. I can only imagine that the same sense of awkwardness is present when entering a zoom call knowing that everyone there has read about your deepest traumas. Despite this, Gurba not only unpacked Mean for the attendees, but also read a work in progress. There are not many people who would have the courage to not only read unfinished work for an audience, but also to open themselves up to critiques on said unfinished work. The two observations that I have listed about Gurba showed me that she is a perfectionist who cares deeply about her art and is constantly striving to do better, something that I relate to and made me feel even more connected to her. 

It was also invaluable to hear Gurba herself discuss Mean and what it means (ha) to her. One of my favorite insights that she gave was about her artistic interpretation of the traumatic events in the book and her choice to invite the reader to imagine themselves as a part of the environment. Gurba says that her goal was to encapsulate the way that trauma victims often remember these events: as out of body experiences, watching themselves from an outside perspective. This resonated with me greatly, as I have had out of body experiences in that way before, and hearing Gurba discuss her intention helped me to understand and connect with that part of the book on a deeper level. I also found Gurba’s statement that some traumas will always feel raw to be insightful as well as confirming my thoughts about the end of Mean. In class, I said that Mean is too nuanced to have something as neat and simple as a “happy ending;” rather, Gurba provides a realistic look at life after a traumatic event. Some things simply cannot be forgotten or completely healed, but there are ways to cope and still live a fulfilling life. Gurba describes her experience being stalked as “transformative,” acknowledging that she is not the same person after. Sometimes, the way to move on from trauma isn’t to desperately cling to the person you used to be, but to accept the person you have become and work from there. I love that Gurba does not act like she is unaffected by her trauma and instead embraces the ways in which she has changed. She does not pretend that everything is perfect now that some time has passed, but she also never gives up on herself and is determined to push on. Gurba is able to write succinctly about her trauma without being completely consumed by it, a skill that reveals her strength and her talent.